Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
