Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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