I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
