i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
