So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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