you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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