just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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