look no pants
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
