I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize