he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
