My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize