It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
