just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
