I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
