I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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