i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
