Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
