This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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