who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
