I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
