also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
