Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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