you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
