you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
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So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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