Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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