My room smells like vodka and shame
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
