I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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