he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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