Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
