My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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