i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
