my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
