shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
