Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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