I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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