a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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