i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
someone threw a dead crab at me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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