It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
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i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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