Can i not drive my cunt home
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
