It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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