1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
