Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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