I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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