Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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