swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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