If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
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I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
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Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
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