The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
