Kiss
Puke
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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