just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
