You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
