I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
