I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
