The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
