My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
