it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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