I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
