I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
