Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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