how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
