rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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