What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your cock deserves a montage
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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