Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
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So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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