yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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