I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
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She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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