Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
