I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
