I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
