unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
