I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
