I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
