i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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