It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
