And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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