Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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