Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
cat food counts as protein by the way
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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