Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
