i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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