Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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